Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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