I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
