after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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