Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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