just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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