Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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