He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
