I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize