god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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