She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
