I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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