i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
