I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize