We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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