You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
