can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
