dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
