we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
