the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize