Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
