Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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