Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
