I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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