So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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