i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
