I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
