Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
