You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
