He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
