I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
