just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
