he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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