I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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