You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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