shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
