I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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