I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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