Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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