And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize