i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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