just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
