That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
