I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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