her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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