I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
