Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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