he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just invented taco cereal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
