You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
