you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
