Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
