I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
