Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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