You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
