Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
