I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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