so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize