I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
