the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
