Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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