No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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