Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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