no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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