OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
